


Car Crash Hearts or 5-Car Pile Up?

by ttlyxxxoblivious



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 19:59:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttlyxxxoblivious/pseuds/ttlyxxxoblivious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started on the day we finally saw our first real album. I didn’t know it at the time, but this would be the day that changed everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Car Crash Hearts or 5-Car Pile Up?

It all started on the day we finally saw our first real album. I didn’t know it at the time, but this would be the day that changed everything.   
__

“Here they are! Congrats on your first real album.” Our manager smiled widely as he opened a box filled with freshly produced copies of Take This To Your Grave. 

Pete slung his arm around my shoulders and beamed at me like this was the best day of his life. “This is real, Trick.” I smiled just as brightly at him because his ambition was really to thank for making everything happen. 

“You’ll start your tour in a month, so get ready. Nothing too fancy, just a van, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.” He pulled out his phone and waved before leaving us behind to revel in the excitement. We let out shouts and high fived each other before Pete scooped up a copy and raised it in the air. “Who’s down for showing this off to the cute waitress down the road?” We all nodded in agreement and left for the diner we had frequented while recording the album. 

Once there, we all showed the familiar waitress, Amanda, our proof of success. We all flirted and joked with her in the buzz of the new accomplishment. Extra rounds of fries were ordered and we toasted to our victory. After we had spent way too much money and Amanda had gone home with Joe and Andy’s numbers forgotten in her pocket, we paid the bill and filed out into the cool Chicago night.

“I’m heading home now; Mom’s cooking my favorite dinner.” Joe waved goodbye to his fellow band members and turned to walk down the street. Andy soon parted ways and left Pete and me to walk down the sidewalk quietly

“So, we’re really going to get famous.” Pete smiled up at me with those twinkling eyes and kept his hands tucked warmly in his hoodie pockets. 

“It’s possible.” I nodded with a small hopeful smile; I wanted it, but didn’t want to get my hopes up. “It would be really cool.”

“Even if we don’t…” Pete stopped and turned to face me, so I stopped next to him and looked curiously at him. “I… I know this might not be a good idea with touring coming up and all, but I really need to ask if you would go on a date with me.” His face flushed a shade darker and he looked nervously at me.

My eyes went wide with shock and I stood still as my mind raced. I had never expected him to say such a thing and I really didn’t know what to do. Before I even finished thinking, my mouth started moving. “I… Pete… I don’t even know if I’m gay. I know I kissed Brad after that one show, but I think I like girls still. And if we break up that could totally ruin the band and we owe it to Joe and Andy to not mess up their chance.”

Pete bit his lip and looked down at his converse. “Yea, it was a stupid idea.” He started walking again and ducked his head.

“Pete, wait.” My stomach flipped as I saw him, so I quickly walked to catch up and shoved my hands in my own hoodie. He meant so much to me, but I was terrified of the concept of being more than friends with him. “I still want to be your friend though if you want.”

Pete’s eyes flickered with a hint of disappointment, but he rebounded quickly with a wide smile and nodded. “You’ll always be my friend, trickster.” He slung his arm around me warmly and started walking again. “Where to?”

**

Pete blew my mind that night, but he also presented some serious questions for me to figure out. Was I gay? Did I like Pete? Was my answer the right one? A year on tour in the small van with Pete would surely help me answer these questions.  
__

“Hey lunchbox, I don’t have to drive anymore.” Pete climbed into the back of the van and snuggled up to my back. My breath caught in my lungs, but I was able to force a happy sounding grunt. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to pretend that being the little spoon didn’t bring my mind back to that night. I tried to tell myself that it didn’t feel as good as it did or that my heart didn’t swell a little as the warm puffs of breath tickled the back of my neck. Just a few more months left of touring.

The next day Pete wobbled groggily from the store and handed me a breakfast sandwich. I accepted it with a sleepy smile and waited for him to settle in next to me as usual. He sat with his shoulder against mine and I enjoyed the simple banter with Pete as we ate.   
__

“New York, it’s great to see you tonight! We’re Fall Out Boy and this one’s called Grand Theft Autumn.” Pete bounced away from the microphone and reveled in the crowd’s energy.

I smiled shyly at the crowd and wiped the sweat from my forehead before leaning closer to the microphone. “Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman…” As I continued to sing, Pete came toward me and rested his head on my shoulder. I swear my breath didn’t hitch while I continued singing as if this wasn’t making my head swim. A few lines more and he was off to bounce around stage some more.  
Once the show was over and we were all packed up, I climbed into the van for some much needed sleep before hitting the road in the morning. I knew the others would be hanging out with groupies and enjoying themselves, but I was more interested in the back of my eyelids. Just as I began to drift off, I heard the van door open and close and there was rustling before I heard Pete whisper to me. “Trick, can I be the little spoon tonight?” I suppressed a laugh before I moved over to make room for him. “You’re the best, Von Stump.” I felt him shimmy up against me and I made sure to leave a little room between my groin and his ass. I considered draping my arm around him, but couldn’t bring myself to do it without having to admit things I tried not to think about.  
__

We had long since run out of money with just a few days left on tour, but some kind soul gave us a hotel room with two double beds. It was unspoken that Andy and Joe would share one while Pete and I would have the other. We all showered thankfully until the water ran cold and spent the night watching TV on the small set in the room. It was such a foreign concept to be able to relax and watch re-runs and everyone was enjoying the pleasantry. Despite this, Pete had been scribbling in his notebook all evening and barely saying more than a few sentences to anyone. I raised an eyebrow at this and noticed how his forehead was wrinkled in concentration and that you could almost see the creative gears turning in his dark mind. His bangs hung low into his eyes and he pursed his lips as he continued to scrawl lyrics into his ratty notebook. I caught myself smiling at the sight just as Pete turned to look at me. My breath caught in my throat for a moment, but I laughed it off. “I bet there’s another album in there by now.” 

Pete shrugged with a small grin and looked down at his pen and notebook. “It’s possible. I need you to make them better, though.” 

It was then that I felt my heart ache and I couldn’t deny my feelings anymore. It had been a year since the day he turned my world upside down and only now could I admit it. I did like boys, but I liked Pete better. 

“Something wrong?” He quirked an eyebrow at my conflicted expression and lowered his notebook. 

His words snapped me back into reality and shook my head a little too quickly. “Nope. Everything’s good. I’m just crazy tired.” I quickly crawled underneath the covers on my side of the bed and raised my hand to the light on the nightstand. I looked back over to Pete and his notebook and decided I didn’t need the light off to sleep. I squeezed my eyes shut and finally let my head flood with panicked thoughts about my newfound feelings.

I felt the bed dip as Pete leaned over me and I held my breath until I heard the click of the light and he moved back into his place. I knew he wasn’t done writing, but he had stopped so I could have the light off. I heard the TV volume turn down further while he climbed under the blankets and I suppressed a smile as Pete inched closer and draped his arm over me. My thoughts surprisingly came to a halt and I fell into a deep sleep moments after feeling his embrace.  
__

“Thank you, Chicago! It’s great to be home and I’m glad I recognize some faces out there!” Pete waved after he let go of the mic and beamed at the crowd. 

I spotted my parents in the back and gave a cheerful wave as well. Everyone had been extra pumped since we were finally home and done with the yearlong tour. I leaned into the mic and smiled, “Hi Mom!,” but blushed immediately at my shout-out and shyly looked to Pete. He smiled back and nodded for me to start the song, so we launched into Saturday and grinned like fools through the whole song. 

After our set was over and we were all packed up, we joined our family and friends in the crowd for some catching up. I was worn out from the long journey, but glad to be with everyone again. While surveying the room, I spotted Pete with a group of his friends and felt the now familiar butterflies in my stomach. My smile faded as he lead a girl by the hand toward us and the butterflies dissolved in the rising bile in my stomach. 

“Hey guys, you remember Trisha, right?” She smiled coyly as Pete introduced her and I waved politely. I suddenly felt ill and excused myself to head to the bathroom. Pete didn’t seem to even notice my quick exit and I let out a sigh after locking the door behind me. I leaned over the sink and took a few breaths. It had taken me a year to realize I wanted Pete back and I hadn’t even considered that I was too late. Of course he wouldn’t wait for me. I had told him no and that I wasn’t gay. Why would he wait for someone who didn’t want him to wait? I splashed some water on my face and checked to make sure I didn’t look like I felt. 

**

Life moved on after we went back to living our own lives before we had to record. I was excited to work on more music, but another album meant more tours spent hiding my unrequited feelings for Pete. I wish I didn’t have to act like that, but I couldn’t risk ruining what I already had.  
__

“Where’s Pete?” Andy poked his head into the kitchenette of our new bus where I sat with Joe. “We have to leave in five minutes and he’s still not here.”

“He’s probably with another lucky fan.” Joe rolled his eyes and shook his head at the thought. 

My stomach sunk at the mention of Pete’s latest pass-time. I hated how Pete was on a mission to screw anything that isn’t me. I hated having Pete lean into me and smelling the cheap perfume from his last fuck. I hated why I hated those things. If only I could hate Pete.

Now past the time we planned to leave the venue, Pete strolled in casually with coffee and a distracted smile. “Sorry I’m late, couldn’t say no to free coffee.” 

I stood up and headed silently into my bunk. There was nothing more to see and I didn’t need to hear him talk about last night’s score for the millionth time. I laid down with my back to the curtain and squeezed my eyes shut tight. Not long after, I felt the soft vibrations of the bus as it revved up and we continued on our journey. 

Just as I drifted to sleep my curtain was dragged back and Pete crawled over my unmoving body. “Morning Trick.” He brought his face to the crook of my neck and the faint scent of men’s cologne assaulted my nose. Silently hoping he would give up, I turned around to face the curtain and kept my eyes shut. Instead, he shifted closer and draped an arm around me. Of course he wouldn’t notice that I don’t want him to do that.  
__

“Women are great, dude.” Pete sat down on the couch beside me and leaned back happily. “You should really get a girlfriend. I think it would do you some good.”

For some reason, something just snapped. My shouldered stiffened and my hands twisted into fists. “I don’t need a girlfriend. I don’t want a girlfriend.” I turned to face him with a stony glare and stood. “Not everyone needs someone to fuck every night.” I disregarded the knot forming in my stomach and walked to the front of the bus to avoid seeing the hurt I just caused. Not long after, I could hear the metallic slide of the bunk curtain and knew it was Pete.

Once the adrenaline faded, I realized how mean I’d been to Pete for no reason. Guilt spread over me and I found myself walking over to his bunk. I could hear the music spilling from his headphones and the frantic scraping of pen on paper. I hesitated in front of the curtain with my heart in my throat before chickening out and crawling into my own bunk to brood over my stupidity.  
__

I stepped onto the bus and sighed when I spotted Pete sitting on the couch clutching his notebook with music blaring through his headphones. He kept his eyes on the paper to hide the look I knew to be from overwhelming thoughts flooding through his head. Pete’s depression was getting worse and I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if it had anything to do with me blowing up on him a few more times lately. Guilt rose in my gut and I sucked it down as I sat down next to him against my own advice. 

As he felt me lean against him, his writing paused and his eyes flicked over to mine. I cast him a sorry smile and I knew it was no apology, but it’s what I had to offer. He leaned back against me and resumed his writing as I sat there watching him. I noticed how the page started out neat for Pete’s standards and became more indiscernible until it was mere scribbles to me. I bit my lip abashedly before tearing my eyes from his sullen words to catch a glance at his face. My face immediately flushed when our eyes met and I shifted slightly farther from him. 

“What’s wrong, Patrick?” Pete’s wounded eyes bore through me before looking away. “You’re always so weird around me now. Did I do something?”

My hand reached daringly to his shoulder and I squeezed gently before shaking my head, “Nothing’s wrong,” I shrugged with a fake smile on my face, “I didn’t mean to be weird around you.”

He stared at me with a blank expression for a few more moments before shifting closer to me and resuming his writing. I leaned my head on his shoulder and allowed my eyes to close while I took in the scent of Pete’s axe deodorant and the faint scratch of pen on paper. Hopefully this soothed him as much it soothed me.   
__

“Trickkkkk.” Pete howled drunkenly to me as soon as I stepped onto the bus. I chuckled at the clumsy bassist and watched as he stumbled his way to me. Without much warning, he collapsed on my lap and leaned his head on my shoulder. The bitter scent of alcohol made its way to me and I scrunched my nose subtlety. “Did anyone ever tell you that you’re the best person in the whole world, Pattycake?” He jabbed me in the chest with his finger before smiling brightly up at me. 

I felt my cheeks burning bright red as I ducked my head, “Just you, Pete.” I fought to keep my smile while my chest tightened with what that meant to me. 

“It’s true, you know.” Pete sat up a little straighter, swaying slightly as he did so, and stared seriously back at me. “There’s no one cooler or nicer than you. You’ll make some girl really, really happy someday.” A snort escaped before I could provide my polite response and in his intoxicated state Pete mistook this as disagreement rather than me finding humor in the irony of his last comment. He spoke slower this time to emphasize drunkenly, “You make everything brighter for me. Like, everything. You make everything a little less grey.” I pulled my eyes away from his and bit my lip. This moment almost seemed unreal. 

Just in time to stop me from making any mistakes, Joe and Andy rejoined us on the bus and Pete sprung off of my lap. “Andyyyy! Joeee!” He tackled both of them with a hug before chattering excitedly with them. I took this opportunity to slip away and crawl into my bunk for solace. Not surprisingly, only moments later I saw light fill my bunk and felt the drunken man join me and sling his arm around me. “Why are you going to bed so soon?” He wriggled closer to me and tucked his forehead into the crook of my neck from behind. “Do you mind if I join you?”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him no nor did I want him to leave my side, so I just shook my head and tried not to pay attention to how close he was pressed against me. As if he could read my mind, he shifted until he was flush against me and I squeezed my eyes shut to force my body not to react. If only I could fall asleep, then I wouldn’t have to try so hard to ignore his breath on my neck or how nice it felt to be pressed up against him. I definitely wasn’t thinking about how nice it would be to move my hips just a little.

The next morning, I woke up to the warm embrace of Pete as he slept solidly. My stomach twisted with longing as I looked over at his peaceful figure. His eyelashes cast soft shadows on his cheeks and his mouth hung open as even breaths escaped. He probably hadn’t slept this well in a week thanks to his insomnia. My mind drifted to the thought of what it would be like to wake up to this every morning and to have it mean something and I jerked away accidentally as I caught my thoughts. I took a quick glance at Pete’s face as he began to wake up from my sudden movement and I felt my eyes begin to water. As I was quietly sliding out of his hold, he opened his eyes as found mine. I looked away immediately, hoping he didn’t see the state I was in, and my feet led me to the bathroom just as my heart began to race. I was beginning to realize how much I yearned for the bassist and it was beginning to sound much more impossible to continue on without cracking my façade. I couldn’t handle blowing up at him any more, but that’s just what happens when you’re in love with someone you can’t have, right? I finally felt hot tears spill down my cheeks and choked back an unexpected sob. I turned on the shower to help down out my crying, so I slid down against the door and wiped futilely at my face. 

“Patrick? Are you in there?” Pete’s voice caused my stomach to sink even further and I bit my lip to hold back more tears. Before I could even stop him, the door was opening and he was looking at me with wide eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

“Pete, please just leave.” My voice cracked and I wished it wasn’t so obvious that I had been crying.

He looked more panicked the longer he stood in the doorway and before long he was beside me on the floor. His eyes reached mine worriedly and he put his hand on my arm. “I know I must have done something.” He kept his eyes away and gnawed on his lip. “Do you not want to be my friend anymore? Do you not want to be in the band?”

All Pete’s questions did was make it impossible to hold my tears back any longer. Fat tears rolled down my cheeks, but I didn’t bother to wipe them away. My head fell into my hands and I let out a few quiet sobs before speaking, “The problem is that I don’t want to be just your friend, Pete. I want you too much.” I closed my eyes and hoped he would just walk away while he still could. 

Instead, I felt his hands peeling mine away from my face. The first thing I saw was that Pete now had watery eyes of his own and then I noticed his smile. It only widened at my confused expression and he dried the tears from my face with his sleeve. “You have me, Patrick.” He smiled dolefully as he looked me deep in the eyes, “I might have fooled around and dated, but you’ve always had me.”

I must have stared at him in surprise for too long because soon he was cupping my face and leaning in to connect our lips. This snapped me into focus and I began to kiss him back like I’ve been imagining for the last few months. My hand reached out to tangle my fingers in his hair and I shuddered as his hands landed on my sides. 

Eventually we pulled apart to catch our breath and Pete’s smile was contagiously wide. I felt myself smiling back just as bright while I took in the bliss from this dream-like moment.   
__

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Pete beamed at me at I walked into the kitchenette and began pouring myself coffee. I brought my coffee over to where he sat and pecked him lightly on the cheek. He made grabby hands at me and I obliged by sitting cuddled up against him. “Mine.”

I liked the way that sounded; the way it made my heart swell and stomach flutter. The best part was that even though it’s different nothing’s really changed. We’re still best friends.


End file.
